Vegetarian Star

In a new video from the satirical news network, “The Onion,” a (fake) FDA official has the solution to saving America’s health.

Just eat some f*cking vegetables every once in awhile, okay? That’s all there is to it.

“You just buy a bag of f*cking carrots and you eat them the way you normally would eat a package of hot dogs. Okay? If you usually stand in front of an open fridge shoving them in your fat face cold. Well, then just do that with a carrot.”

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“Saturday Night Live” poked fun of the Fox News channel and its group of conservative hosts, including Glenn Beck and Greta Van Susteren, who’s played by vegetarian Kristen Wiig.

Fox News is re-branded from the often seen as vitriolic to the “civil, polite network,” something MSNBC’s James Carville, played by Bill Hader, doubts will ever work, as he jokes:

“Today I had nice lunch with Arianna Huffington, Michael Moore and my friend Lucien — he’s a gay soldier. We ate at a vegan restaurant, which is nice because it means no animals got hurt. Which is important, because animals are just people with fur. Isn’t that nice Sean Hannity?”

But the guys at Fox aren’t always as bad some make them out to be. Hey, at least Glenn Beck will call out Al Gore for promoting environmentalism while still eating meat, which wastes water, pollutes water and contributes to greenhouse gases.

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Big Cat Rescue is a non-profit sanctuary for rescued exotic felines. It’s home to 14 of the 35 species of wild cats, housing over 100 residents of tigers, lions, leopards, cougars, bobcats, lynx, ocelots and more, rescued from abused and abandonment situations where they were held as pets, performing animals or being hunted for their fur.

The organization has a YouTube channel with several videos showing its tenants in action.

Apparently, tigers and other giant kitties like catnip just like housecats do. All but one lion named Joseph went absolutely nuts when given the catnip. Knowing he’d make a fool of himself all over the Internet, Joseph refrained. He must be the smart kind of guy who never puts embarrassing drunk photos of himself on Facebook.

The active ingredient in catnip, nepatalactone, is very close to a chemical found in the urine of female cats and some experts believe this is why unneutered males may react more strongly to it than females and sterilized males.

Besides gender, genetics and environmental factors are also thought to be responsible for the difference in reaction.

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In a hilarious video we can’t watch enough times, Santa Claus is seen making changes to his naughty and nice list after seeing so many anti-veg artifacts in one little girl’s home.

Leather, fur, dairy milk, McDonald’s and KFC are enough to make him revolt Public Enemy style.

Chuck D, who’s participated in some animal activism himself, would be proud.

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Jon Stewart praised the Senate for passing the Food Safety Modernization Act, which gives the United States government more power to protect citizens from foodborne illnesses. In the past, the government relied on companies to voluntarily recall products. Now, it will have the authority to demand them.

Stewart mocks the skeptics who doubt the need for law, such as Glenn Beck, who Stewart says feels the FDA was created to do things like make sure you get milk instead of rat droppings in the carton.

Unfortunately, Beck isn’t the only naysayer. Senator Tom Coburn of Oklahoma claimed that only 10-20 people die annually from food illnesses (as if that weren’t enough). Ignorance sounds worse when other people hear you and Coburn may have made the biggest fool of himself to end the year.

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Sarah Silverman remembers one of her very first Thanksgivings. Or, as she calls it, “Thankskilling.”

In a story the comedian briefly touches on in her book, The Bedwetter, Silverman’s early turkey moments are recalled in this “Funny or Die” video which illustrates her dad taking her to a turkey farm, Sarah being asked to pick the one she likes the best, only to discover she chose the cutest bird with the greatest personality traits to be sentenced to its head chopped off.

Some children learn sooner than others.

Silverman says killing the turkey is a symbol of America’s “self-righteous heritage” that consists of it killing native Americans, stealing their land and similar acts of gratitude towards others.

“Happy Thanksgiving dummies!” she wishes at the end.

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Olivia Munn‘s reporting on the passing Proposition B, a new law in Missouri which passed with 52% of the “yes” vote that sets down stricter rules for puppy breeders, finds her interviewing one opponent to the new measure who compares it to Obamacare and cites humans are treated the same way as puppies in mills are all the time.

When Munn asks how, the opponent replies that humans are housed in apartments that are stacked just like crates in mills.

But, as Munn insists, most apartments don’t allow your neighbor to sh*t on your head just because he’s housed above you, something puppy mills have failed to accommodate for.

Another hilarious satire from The Daily Show.

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Just like it lampooned Whale Wars, South Park doesn’t spare satire when it makes fun of environmental events, including the ones surrounding the Gulf Oil Spill in recent episodes.

Tony Hayward‘s apology is mocked, an all-knowing Captain Hindsight who solves problems after the fact is created and more.

Learn what happens when a bake sale is proposed to raise money for the cause and hear Captain Hindsight’s “hindsights” after the jump.

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