Vegetarian Star

The Onion has published a hilarious piece mocking the “humane meat” industry.

In “We Raise All Our Beef Humanely On Open Pasture And Then We Hang Them Upside Down And Slash Their Throats,” livestock farmers pledge to deliver many things to today’s environmentally conscious consumer and animal welfare advocate, including the, “highest quality beef from cows that are healthy, active, and eventually suspended fully conscious inside a facility thick with hot, blood-choked air and the frantic bellows of dangling, profoundly fearful animals.”

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In a new video from the satirical news network, “The Onion,” a (fake) FDA official has the solution to saving America’s health.

Just eat some f*cking vegetables every once in awhile, okay? That’s all there is to it.

“You just buy a bag of f*cking carrots and you eat them the way you normally would eat a package of hot dogs. Okay? If you usually stand in front of an open fridge shoving them in your fat face cold. Well, then just do that with a carrot.”

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The Onion

Satirical news source The Onion, has written a hilarious piece on how elephants awe crowds at the circus, inserting random snide remarks about the circus’ treatment of the giant creatures and the resulting physical and psychological stress the animals endure.

Quotes from families that attended are recorded, such as the one from 5-year old Jonah Meeks, who, after “mistaking the elephants’ constant swaying for something that wasn’t a maladaptive behavior caused by serious psychological trauma,” said “I can dance like an elephant, too. Look at me!”

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Satirical news stories are hilarious.

But one particular document by The Onion highlights the serious issue of racing and entertainment animals that are put to sleep after an injury.

Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson gets put to sleep after a leg injury. It was a difficult decision for her parents and tough on her fans, but she just wouldn’t be competitive anymore and it had to be done.

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