Vegetarian Star

Prince Fielder‘s success at the ballpark is so sought after, the Brewers are willing to do anything they can to retain him, including giving him a salary increase at the expense of the residents in Wisconsin, according to OnMilwaukee.

A vegetarian tax is being proposed, with a 5% charge on such items.

But Republican representative Scott Newcomer is certain the pinch will hardly be felt by those that eat the food.

“These vegetarians are wired a little differently. Most of them live on the East Side and they wear funky T-shirts and beat up old sandals, but you know they have money.”

“You have to be affluent to be a vegetarian. They pay extra for organic produce and free-range bean curd. I don’t even think they’ll notice the extra charge.”

With Fielder’s success on the field, you’d think more people would be encouraging vegetarianism as they see not only is the diet tasty, but can physically support the endeavors of a major league baseball player.

But some people are apparently worried about their cows.

Jeffrey Mursau, a Republican from Crivitz, said, “This is a no-brainer for me, given that there are a lot of cattle and dairy farms in my district,” he said. “People up north don’t trust anyone who doesn’t eat meat. And frankly, I find soy stupid.”

“I think this tax is a great idea because real Brewers fans eat bratwurst. They don’t want expensive tofu dogs that taste like cardboard.”

One final April Fool’s story to add to the day’s mix.

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