Vegetarian Star

A company owned by former hunters is looking for food scientists to recreate the experience of road kill.

Hunter’s Vegetarian is based in a small town in Alabama, and partners Jim Simmons and Allison Montgomery aren’t satisfied with traditional faux meat found at grocery stores.

“I’m glad I turned vegetarian for my health, but I wouldn’t be lying if I told you I didn’t miss the occasional country critter,” said Simmons.

Simmons is referring to the dozens of squirrels, raccoons and other animals he’d hunt and come home and cook.

He dream might come true soon.

Montgomery, his girlfriend he met on a hunting trip, who also turned vegetarian, just happens to be the daughter of a very prominent scientist at a university who says faux squirrel is as easy to duplicate as soy burgers.

Montgomery’s parent is working on the project part time, while she and Simmons are giving input about the taste. The goal is to complete the final recipe by next year and begin marketing it to local health foods stores like Whole Foods.

“If you can make fake chicken, ham and turkey, why not make fake raccoons?” asked Simmons, adding that if the squirrel and raccoon loafs and tenders do well, they might expand their brand to deer and birds.

Note: This story is a bunch of vegan hogwash. But it’s April 1st, so what were you expecting?

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