Vegetarian Star » Offbeat

Moby Vegan Porn Like A Parsnip Vs. A Daikon

Vegetarian Star — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 23:33:13 +0000

Moby told Bizarre magazine that he’s interested in making a porn film for the little guys.

Literally.

Apparently, he’s so fed up with films that feature ruler stick sized parts, he wants to make films that make average guys the champions.

“Surely that’s intimidating to most guys watching,” Moby said. “My porn flick would exclusively feature men with normal-to-titchy-sized penises in order to make viewers feel better.”

Or, as Gothamist says, “Like, a parsnip instead of a daikon, to put it in vegan terms.”

As a succesful musician, vegetarian advocate and animal rights champion, Moby is sure to excel at whatever he does, so look for the DVD at your nearest creepy, shady XXX store located in an alley you can’t find on Google Maps.

Plus, as a vegan, he’ll likely have the, ahem, physical fitness to make plenty of sequels in the series.

Vascular diseases like high blood pressure and high cholesterol are the main causes of erectile dysfunction. And it’s almost always flesh that causes those problems. And we’re not talking about the flesh you see in Bootie Action 11.

As PETA says, “Going vegan is best thing you can do for animals, the planet, your health, and your sex life,” said PETA Senior Vice President Lisa Lange. “There’s nothing sexier in the world than someone with a lot of passion and the compassion to match.”

Photo: PR Photos

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McPoop Burgers–Faux Meat From Human Feces (Video)

Vegetarian Star — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 23:09:07 +0000

There’s soy meat. And seitan meat. Even fungus meat.

Now, meet the latest addition to the faux meat family–poop meat.

A researcher has figured out how to craft fake meat from sewage mud and human feces mixed with a few delicious vegetarian seasonings like soya sauce.

We know you’re salivating already.

From Inhabitat:

“[t]he lipids are then combined with a reaction enhancer, then whipped into “meat” in an exploder. Ikeda then makes the poop more savory, by adding soya and steak sauce.”

Sounds gross, but it can’t be any worse than the real deal out there that’s already rife with e. coli.

And it is an interesting twist on conservation and resusing.

If poop meat makes it big, perhaps there will be home conversion kits available for purchase just like cappucino machines and Easy Bake ovens. Your next visit to the john for #2 could be all the preparation you need to make tomorrow’s lunch.

Photo: Mike Burns/Creative Commons

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Mold On Veggies Good, Meat And Dairy Bad (Video)

Vegetarian Star — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 01:02:09 +0000

Every day a new study comes out that contradicts our current knowledge or comfort, but this one is still kind of hard to swallow.

Contrary to what mother may have taught you, mold on certain food isn’t all that bad. In fact, if you’ve got mold on your fruits and vegetables, instead of having to deal with the Whole Foods parking lot drama to buy more, you can simply cut that part of the plant off and eat away.

Researchers at Health.com have found the most dangerous mold on food is the kind that occurs on meat, porous foods like cakes and bread and dairy like yogurt.

But veggies have supertough skins and it’s unlikely the mold will penetrate the inside, making them salvageable.

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Fog And Smog Get Real In The Whole Foods Parking Lot (Video)

Vegetarian Star — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 19:44:08 +0000

If you’re a regular Whole Foods customer, this video made by Prius driving DJDave with Fog and Smog may bring back some pleasant and not so pleasant memories.

A self-professed rapper and consumer of natural, organic fare proclaims, “It’s gettin’ real in the Whole Foods parking lot,” as he discusses the difficulties shoppers in the San Francisco or Los Angeles area might encounter while trying to shop.

Lack of parking spaces, activists at the front doors getting ready to pounce on you for a signature and the disappointment of paying “80 bucks for six things” are included in the drama.

“This buster’s on his iphone talking to his friends. Pickin’ up some cayenne pepper for his master cleanse. You’re the most annoying dude I’ve ever seen brah. Could you please move, you’re right in front of the quinoa.”

“Check out what I say. It happens everyday. It’s how we live on the west side of L.A.”

Fog and Smog is a group of artists in the L.A. and Bay area consisting of composers, producers, film editors, designers, deejays, photographers and animators.

There must be a few frustrated Whole Foods shoppers in that bunch too.

via This Dish Is Veg

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Trader Joe’s Vegan Pad Thai Worth B*tch Slapping For

Vegetarian Star — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 18:02:05 +0000

Trader Joe’s Vegan Pad Thai with Tofu is apparently so good, it’s worth two educated, professional women throwing punches over.

Singer and teacher Marcella Caprario and Dr. Cathleen London, a nationally renown physician who’s appeared on shows like CNN’s The Joy Behar Show and Fox TV, were recently involved in an altercation over the prized frozen dish that got physical .

Here’s how the veggie catfight went down:

Mrs. Caprario’s husband attempted to grab the vegan pad thai from the freezer case. According to reports, the teenage son of Dr. London then allegedly tried to block Mr. Caprario from retreiving the dinner. Mr. Caprario mouthed off something to his wife about the little snot loud enough for Dr. London to hear. Taking up for her son, Dr. London said, “He’s just a child! Get that pole out of your ass.”

Mrs. Caprario suddenly developed the need for Mrs. London’s medical attention, as she became infected with a “Oh, no she didn’t” virus, which incited a voluntary movement of her arm, causing her to slap Dr. London in the face.

Dr. London’s claim in court was that the slap caused, “redness, swelling and substantial pain.”

And imagine how bad she would look on camera if she had a CNN gig the next morning.

It’s not even clear if there was only one vegan pad thai left, which may have made the story a little more understandable, but one thing’s quite clear: A throwdown over a vegan frozen entree speaks wonders about the public’s demand for meatless food! A warning to grocery stores everywhere: Keep the the vegan food aisles stocked and clear of obstruction.

And “beef” up the security in the area to keep the peace.

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AC/DC “You Shook Me All Night Long” Preferred By Great White Sharks

Vegetarian Star — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 22:20:21 +0000

If you need a dirty deed done dirt cheap, look no further than to nature’s great white sharks.

A ocean tour guide in Australia has discovered the magnificent creatures like to get closer to humans when their favorite tunes are played by rock group AC/DC.

Sharks are attracted to music in the low-frequency range and playing the songs “You Shook Me All Night Long” and “If You Want Blood” did it for them even more than the lure of fresh food.

“We know the AC/DC music works best by trial and error, and we are doing more research to see what works best with different species of shark,” said tour operator Matt Waller.

When AC/DC music is played, the sharks not only show up for the party with the tourists, they try to get as close as possible to them. It’s like everybody wants in the mosh pit.

“Quite often we see the sharks on the surface, but most of the time our guests want to get in the cage and see them up close. I’ve seen the sharks rub their faces on the cage where the sound is coming from as if to feel it.”

Scientists have noticed before that animals, like humans, have music preferences. Monkeys, for example, are very narcissistic and hate music unless it’s sung by one of their own.

Photo: PR Photos

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Offensive Melons And Burgers Top Ad Agency Complaints

Vegetarian Star — Fri, 20 May 2011 21:40:34 +0000

This photo of fruit strategically placed for effect was one of several ads that generated the most complaints to the New Zealand Advertising Standards Authority in 2010.

Granted, even when speaking of someone’s “melons,” we usually don’t refer to them being located in that region, so it’s easy to understand why the ad for Erotica Expo in Auckland drew controversy.

But there’s another ad that might spark some fuel for vegetarians that also made the top offensive.

A Burger King ad received 13 complaints to the agency for claiming one sandwich was “so good, even the most dedicated vegetarian could turn.”

The complaint was that the ad “belittled vegetarianism” and that the claim it could make you a food swinger (hey, given the first ad discussed, who wouldn’t think of that pun?) was “offensive, insulting and discriminatory.”

The ad agency did not uphold the Burger King claim, citing the ad was meant to be humorous. It did, however, rule the Erotica Expo ad as “degrading” and intending to “cause outrage” because it was “dehumanising – reducing women to their genitalia.”

It’s a tough call, but don’t you agree that reducing a cow to a patty is equally offensive?

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“I Like Vegetables” Rap By Parry Gripp (Video)

Vegetarian Star — Fri, 20 May 2011 14:28:09 +0000

How about a little rap music to start off the weekend?

Musician Parry Gripp has released “I Like Vegetables,”–a catchy tune with a beat that incorporates a love for all things that grow from dirt or from trees and manages to avoid the corny, roll your eyes effect that some jingles that try to convey something serious or educational do.

“Fancy Cars, you can’t sell to me. I spend all my money on celery,” raps Gripp who later adds he’s “notorious” and “nefarious” because he doesn’t “spare one spear of asparagus.”

If the First Lady is looking for a theme song to her “Let’s Move!” campaign, her search should end right here.

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