Vegetarian Star

The all vegetarian band Rise Against is quite vocal in letting people know the benefits of being vegetarian, whether that be  mentioning it during an interview or handing out PETA pamphlets at one of their concerts.

So they were elated when a well known large and successful pharmaceutical company decided to collaborate with them to name an impotency drug, “Rise Again,” after the band.

The drug apparently gives you several servings of fruits and vegetables in one capsule and helps you to resist the urge to eat artery clogging meat products which can cause impotence.

“In essence, this drug will help men all over the world “rise again,” said lead scientist Dr. Peter Peterson.

“We thought the band would be perfect to front the drug,” added marketing executive Jill Johnson.

“After all, their name “Rise Against,” symbolizes what men desire. To rise against the unhealthy habits that are causing their impotency and be able to in fact, “rise again,” and please their partners.”

Lead singer of the band Tim McIlrath said, “It’s great that we were chosen to represent Rise Again. The most important thing about a vegetarian diet is that it helps prevent impotency. It’s good for the environment and saves the animals too, but no impotency is the main benefit. I myself, or any of my band mates have never experienced impotency. We attribute it to our vegetarian lifestyle.”

Rise Again is currently in the final stages of clinical trials. No side effects have been reported and it doesn’t interact with other medications. Rise Again is expected to hit the OTC shelves late this summer.

Note: This story is a bunch of vegan hogwash. But it’s April 1st, so what were you expecting?

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